Andy would be proud

I sent this email to Amazon.com MP3 Downloads customer service. A little background: with Amazon.com you get high sound quality MP3s for individual songs. If you want to download an album (such as the sweet Daily Deals), you need to use a separate program – the Amazon Downloader – which uses the .amz file to download all the MP3s. Thus, when you buy an album, you only download an .amz file and then download the MP3s later.

Do .amz files expire? I'm on a trip, but would like to purchase daily deals. Can I purchase the .amz file, email it home, and then download the MP3s to my home computer next week?

Thanks for your time.

Now I'm usually polite and forgiving with customer service, but this response was just so wrong that it pissed me off. I'm pointlessly posting the entire thing here because I had to read the whole thing, so you do too.

Thanks for writing to us at Amazon.com.

First, let me apologize for any inconvenience caused by this issue. The problem you reported is not a common error associated with the download process.

This can be corrected by deleting these temporary files. Go to the "Cache" or "Temporary Internet Files" option on your web browser (if you use Netscape, go to "Options" and choose "Network Preferences"; if you use Internet Explorer, go to "Tools" and choose "Internet Options"), and select the option to delete your cache or temporary files.

I request you to uninstall the Amazon MP3 Downloader application from your computer.¹ If you do not know how to uninstall software from your computer, please refer to the Help section for your operating system or refer to the Downloader install page for more information.

I've also restored your access to "Scream (AmazonMP3 Exclusive Version)" by Chris Cornell, so that you can download them again by directly accessing the files from Your Media Library on Amazon.com at no additional charge.²

Your MP3 download may not be successful if your browser settings are not configured properly. You will need to enable your browser to accept cookies and allow pop-up windows from Amazon.com. Firewall and virus programs may also prevent successful download of your Amazon MP3 Music files. Before attempting another download, please visit the Help page below for tips on how to configure your system to allow downloads from Amazon.com:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/help/customer/display.html?nodeId=200197240

TO DOWNLOAD FROM YOUR MEDIA LIBRARY:

1) Navigate to Your Media Library from Your Account or at this URL: http://www.amazon.com/library
2) Log in using your Amazon.com account e-mail address and password if prompted during the process.
3) Click on the "Downloads" tab.
4) To filter the results so only your music downloads are displayed, hover the cursor over the arrow on the "Downloads" tab and choose "Amazon MP3" from the pop-up menu.
5) Display songs available for download by locating the album in the list and clicking on the "Download" button. If you purchased only a single song, Your Media Library will still display your purchases by the album the song is from.
6) On the album detail page, click the "Download" link next to each song available to start the download.
7) As you do not have the Downloader installed, choose "Save" when prompted to save the .mp3 file.

As you downloaded a song from your browser without the Amazon MP3 Downloader, your Web browser settings control the location of the download.³ If you search for files with the extension ".mp3," you should be able to locate your purchases.

After you download a file, no further downloads will be possible from Your Media Library or through the Amazon MP3 Downloader. Because you are generally limited to download the file only once, we encourage you to always make backup copies of your MP3 files.

If you still encounter a technical problem with the file or unable to download the item successfully, please contact us again using this below mentioned URL so that we can assist you further or refund you for the same.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/help/contact-us/music-downloads.html/

You can also reach Amazon MP3 Customer Service specialists directly via phone, please click the Customer Service button in the Contact Us box in the right-hand column of our Amazon MP3 Help pages:

http://www.amazon.com/help/amazonmp3

You'll be able to enter your phone number and we'll call you at your convenience. Contacting us through the Web site ensures that you reach our specialists directly, allows you to verify security before a call is placed, and ensures we have your account information ready when we call you. Our live customer service associates are available from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. Pacific Standard Time, seven days a week.

Again, I apologize for the trouble you had with this Amazon MP3 purchase.

Thanks for shopping in Amazon MP3 Music Store.

*****
HOW TO AVOID DOWNLOAD PROBLEMS

Amazon.com works with your Web browser to download MP3 music files. Here are some tips to help you successfully complete your download:

- Click each song "Download" link one at a time slowly. Clicking too quickly or clicking multiple links in rapid succession may cause an error.

- If using the Downloader, make sure a song has started downloading or appears in the Downloader queue before clicking "Download" for the next song.

- If downloading MP3 files without the Downloader, wait until one song has downloaded completely before clicking Download for the next song

*****

Please let us know if this e-mail resolved your question:

If yes, click here:
http://www.amazon.com/rsvp-y?c=...
If not, click here:
http://www.amazon.com/rsvp-n?c=...

Please note: this e-mail was sent from an address that cannot accept incoming e-mail.

To contact us about an unrelated issue, please visit the Help section of our web site.

Best regards,

Vikram,R
Amazon.com
We're Building Earth's Most Customer-Centric Company
http://www.amazon.com/your-account

Thanks for reading this far.

1. This is an overly aggressive and totally unrelated suggestion.
   
2. This is the last thing I bought, but is again totally unrelated to my question.
   
3. And... I did use the Downloader to buy that album.
   

I clicked no and pressed the issue.

Please route my previous question to someone who both understands English and has purchased an album using your Amazon MP3 Downloads service. I am disgruntled about the obvious disregard for my inquiry shown by the first reponse.

That was kind of rough – I admit. Perhaps insensitive? But I felt my snappiness wasn't misplaced. It worked.

Hello from Amazon.com.

First please allow me to apologize for the delay in the response. Please be assured we are making every effort to assist customers as quickly as possible.

I'm sorry to hear that you had an unsatisfactory experience when you contacted us previously.

We pride ourselves in convenience and efficiency at Amazon.com, but in this instance we have fallen short of our goal. I'm truly sorry that your impression of doing business with Amazon.com has been so negative.

I request you to surely go ahead and purchase daily deal and download it to your home computer whenever you wish because .amz files do not expires. If any time you feels that you need to re-download the songs we will restore the songs for you at no additional cost any time.

You are generally limited to download the file only once. However, in any case you loose the data or unable to download the file at any time, we will make an exception and restore your access to MP3 tracks.

Please be assured that we are here to make things easier for you. We will take each and every action to prevent you from bearing any loss.

As a representative of Amazon.com, I want to assure you that we value our customers' trust above all else--it's the foundation on which our company was built.

Please be assured that we are here to make things easier for you and will do whatever we can to prevent you from bearing any kind of loss. We want you to have a pleasant, successful experience with our website each time you visit.

he files you purchase from Amazon MP3 Music Downloads are free of any digital rights management software to allow you more freedom with managing your music library; however, we do ask that you respect the licensing agreements outlined by Amazon.com and our content providers. This includes avoiding any use of the MP3 files that is specifically prohibited in the Amazon MP3 Music Downloads Terms of Use.

I hope you found this information helpful. You can also access additional information about our MP3 Music Downloads in our Help pages here:

www.amazon.com/help/amazonmp3

Thanks for your interest in MP3 Music Downloads on Amazon.com.

Please let us know if this e-mail resolved your question:

If yes, click here:
http://www.amazon.com/rsvp-y?c=...
If not, click here:
http://www.amazon.com/rsvp-n?c=...

Please note: this e-mail was sent from an address that cannot accept incoming e-mail.

To contact us about an unrelated issue, please visit the Help section of our web site.

Best regards,

Rohit J.
Amazon.com
We're Building Earth's Most Customer-Centric Company
http://www.amazon.com/your-account

Similar to Bill Gates' suggestion to charge for sending emails, I would much rather pay a dollar per customer service issue than pay the time to wade through the first few pointless interactions (like this story or being transferred on the phone).